How to Talk to Deaf People

This one might actually be saleable, ha ha. 

Okay, so it's occurred to me that a lot of people don't know really how to deal with deaf people.  We've all seen the funny episode of [blank] (in my case, it's some old episode of Family Ties) where the gullible nice guy screams in the face of someone who is supposedly or in fact deaf. 

Yeah, that's never a good idea.  

Honestly, talking to deaf people simply requires a little common sense.  But that common sense only comes with a certain understanding of the realities of deaf people.  To help you achieve this, a few things to know:

A) A person may be able to hear, but can still be deaf.  Like me.  I have approximately 25%-50% normal hearing, unassisted.  I'm deaf. We're supposed to call it "hearing impaired" now.  Fuck that.  Deaf is deaf.  The only people who will be offended by that are the ones who are knee-deep in denial. (Which is just gross. Animals shit in there.)  The point is, someone tells you they're deaf, don't assume they can't hear at all.  The polite thing to do, as far as I'm concerned, is find out just how deaf they are, and actually establish their comfort level in terms of your volume. Find out if they hear better in one ear, and if so, try to direct your speech to that ear.

B) Almost every deaf person I know, has learned to fake normalcy. We do that for a reason. We don't want any well-intentioned screaming.  We don't want to be treated all that differently or be made to stand out.  We just want to hear you.  

C) We're deaf. Some of us are also mute.  This does not make us retarded or otherwise mentally deficient.  Keep that in mind.

Okay, so how does one make a deaf person hear you? 

1) Make sure you have the deaf person's attention before you start talking.  This is numero uno on the list.  Realize that we need to employ various shifts to get around the hearing loss.  In order to do that, we first need to be paying attention. You can get it by saying their name (like you would anyone else), but be prepared to get physical -- a polite tap on the shoulder, a nudge in the ribs or lightly grasping an elbow all serve as a cue for your deaf person to listen up. 

2) Talk to ME, not the fucking wall or the TV set. Now that you've got MY attention, I expect to have yours.  Look at your deaf person when you talk to them, and in particular, make sure your mouth is visible.  Many deaf people, possibly all of us, supplement what hearing we have with lip reading.  If you cover your mouth when you talk, or look away while talking, you're wasting your time -- and ours; you're forcing us to strain just that much more to hear you.

But most importantly: Straight ahead is where your voice goes loudest and most clear.  Much less so in the other directions.  So aim your voice to our ears. And, as stated, make it the one we hear best at.  You may not think it's a big deal, but in actual fact it can make all the difference in the world. 

3) Proximity doesn't always help.  Don't crowd a deaf person or intrude on their personal space, thinking that by talking normally a few inches away, they'll hear you better.  For one thing, that's just rude in many circumstances. For another,  you may actually be doing damage.  For me personally, within a certain (very small) distance, my hearing is perfect. So if you talk to me in a normal or raised voice, one inch from my ear -- it's going to hurt my ear, just like it would yours. Don't do that. It might also overload my hearing aid, which can also hurt. 

Instead -- again as stated -- establish a comfort zone for your particular deaf person.  It'll take some trial and error, but knowing how loud and how far away you need to be will save you a lot of time in repetition.  It'll also keep the deaf person from punching you in the teeth.  

4) Be aware of ambient noise.  Part of the problem we face is ambient noise, which can totally drown out all other noise, even if it doesn't sound so bad to you. Well no shit. You're not deaf.  

We may have a difficult time distinguishing the sounds of your voice from other sounds in the area, particularly if they are loud or a certain pitch.  There's not a whole lot you can do about it other than be aware and be prepared to take extra care with your speech in such environments. 

5) When asked to repeat yourself, listen to what your deaf person is asking for.  I've made a habit of asking for specific things to be repeated.  Ever have someone mumble something, then you ask them to repeat something, and they just repeat one or two words of it over and over again?  Like those two words somehow hold the key to unlocking their whole bloody sentence in your poor retard mind?  Didn't you wanna smack 'em?  Right, try dealing with that in every single conversation you have and see how quickly you end up at the gun store. 

It's a wonder we don't up and kill more of you people, honestly. You probably get off the hook because most deaf people are also old people who used to be able to hear just fine. Plus people find enough other reasons to be condescending to them that it all kinda comes out even.

Anyway, seriously though: If your deaf person asks you to repeat the last few words, it's because they GOT everything but those last few words. You don't have to backtrack to the beginning of the anecdote or whatever. Just repeat what you're asked to repeat.  

Part of this too goes back to point 1.  They'll miss the first part of your communication if you don't get their attention first. Then you'll have to say it again anyway. Saved yourself a lot of time there, didn't you?

6) Don't prattle and expect us to listen carefully.  Unless your deaf person is a total wanker, he'll know he has a responsibility in the conversation as well.  When you're talking to a deaf person, you're getting their agreement to give you a lot of their attention. A lot more than you're likely used to giving OR getting.  Make it worth it.  Don't jibber jabber about something inconsequential, especially if you've interrupted something they were doing to talk.  Many of us cannot listen to you properly AND do something else. We actually have to pay attention and think.  

So if we think you're wasting our time, we will stop listening, and you won't even know it, because a lot of us are damned good at faking it. I'm perfectly capable of holding a one-sided conversation with someone and have that person leave entirely happy with the discussion.  I won't have understood a damned thing but I will have nodded, interjected and smiled (even laughed) at all the right places.  Because I knew that person wasn't talking to tell me something. They were talking just to talk.  Sorry if it sounds bad, but that's a waste of my attention. 

Realize that for deaf people, listening to people talk can be like listening to a discussion in a foreign language that you are not fluent in.  Most of us don't want to be spoken to like a child or an idiot, so we forgo the "loud and slowly" option and simply try to keep up by listening and watching.  Which brings us to:

7) Don't talk too fast either. Or mumble. Enunciation helps.  Don't be overly exaggerated about it, because this makes us feel foolish watching you, and we might feel embarrassed on your behalf.  Or we might just point and laugh. You never know.  Exaggerating actually screws us, because we need to learn how your mouth moves normally, so we can read your lips when you're talking to others or to us.  

A lot of hearing loss involves not being able to hear specific sounds, ranges or pitches.  Vowels or consonants may well fall into this category. So we might just be hearing your consonants and we have to piece those together and match them to vowels like a continuously-streaming game of Wheel of Fortune.  If you're going too fast, slurring or mumbling, it gives us less time or fewer clues, and that's not fair to anyone.

8) If you are having unusual difficulty getting your communication across to your deaf person, gently suggest they clean out their fucking ears once in a while.  By so suggesting -- and seeing that they do it -- who knows? You may actually solve their deafness entirely.  

Otherwise, take a hint and bugger off, yeah?

This has been a Public Service Announcement mainly for my own amusement.  

But seriously, I hope this helps should anyone ever encounter a freak like me.