What. The. Fuck.

Okay, I didn't want to make a blog of this particularly like some fucking high school kid but I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I want to get it out of my head before I leave for the evening. 

I was just sort of idly clicking around on Facebook, and I suddenly discovered the Facebook version of blogs (these "note" things). Specifically, the "Notes" of the girl who recently dumped me. 

I swear I wasn't snooping, or FB-stalking, nothing like that. But something caught my eye and before I knew it I was reading about how she was so tired of being single, wondering what love was, listing all these things she loved about love, on and on. These had all been written like a month before our first date.

And I'm now sitting here with an industrial-size shitload of what the fuck, because this girl had it all handed to her on a silver platter and she didn't want it. She sent it back. With a note. 

Now I swear I was being pretty restrained with the whole "let's mock up a thing" bit. I really was. Granted, I was a little giddy at first, but even that wasn't overwrought. I was very careful not to run roughshod all over this chick and get ahead of myself. 

As I've alluded to elsewhere, the exception on this (and a fairly big one) was that we got nekkid a bit too soon. But that wasn't my idea, it was hers. And that's the big WTF, here. There was OBVIOUSLY an attraction there, okay. It's not like I was pursuing someone I had no business pursuing. She was digging it. 

Until she wasn't. I don't send her a lot of comm lately, but she doesn't even return a "Merry Christmas" text; that's kind of fucked. She's totally backed out. 

Now, I know the mechanics of this so I do know what's going on, in part. What I don't get is, well, what the hell was so wrong with me that I could be nearly everything she wanted in a man and still fall short? 

Because I've spent a good portion of my life learning what the ladies like or want and knowing how to provide it. They all say they want ______ in a man and so I incorporate that into my actions. It's not even like it's some "trying too hard" thing. I'm not "trying hard" at all. I'm simply providing what apparently is needed and wanted. It's really not complicated.

(Of course, if what they want is six-pack abs and shit like that, well, I don't have those at present. But if they're THAT shallow, I'm not interested anyway.)

Somehow it's hasn't been enough, and THAT is what I do not understand. 

Fuck. Maybe it's just the whole romanticism thing. Maybe it was a young girl who doesn't know what she wants, or some shit. I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong so I could fix it. Not with her, necessarily, but for the future.